Starting Over

In many ways, 2013 has been a year of starting over.  I was divorced in 2012, resigned from a 12 year teaching position in 2012, and saw my family fall apart worse than ever before in 2012.  All of these things would throw anyone into a spiral of depression and frustration.  In some ways I am in that now.

I think the most unsettling restart for me has been brought on by my abrupt change of career.  I spent 15 years exacting my skills as an educator.  My students and many parents expressed appreciation and love for me every day.  Then suddenly, it all disappeared.  Rumors and fears overcame the public I served since 2000.  Suddenly so many people thought I was a threat.  I was no longer trusted (and was even rejected) by people I worked with and called friends. 

For the past year, I have really learned about connecting with people I have felt surprise, derision and doubt as I face a different social atmosphere than I thought existed.  I have been in denial for a long time about the problems facing the modern teacher.  Teachers aren't given the benefit of the doubt, support from home, or backing of administrators that they should have.  We are alone in the classroom now more than ever.  Really, the same is true of people in other professions in my community.

The National Education Association and Missouri State Teachers Association, both demonstrated a unique lack of interest in helping my specific problems.  Sure NEA lined up lawyers and spent time talking to me about the situation I never expected to face.  They offered to fight for me.  I had to decide whether the battle was worth waiting to be paid for five months or not.  I decided not to fight it in part because I didn't have the financial support to go for five months without pay.  I don't regret my decision, but I do wonder how things might be had I made a different one.  I don't really spend much time thinking about this though.

However, since I left the classroom, these professional teaching organizations have done nothing.  I haven't had any assistance finding a new position.  I haven't been consulted on financial ramifications, continuing education opportunities, or even sharing my experiences with other teachers.  Suddenly, all that money I spent hoping for their support evaporated.  I'm sure they are using it to protect teachers in different ways, but now that I am an ex-teacher, they have nothing to do with me.  I am surprised by this.  I shouldn't be; it frustrates me.

I have known for a long time that teachers were under paid.  That bothers me less and less when I see the other problems teachers face.  I also know now how lucky I was to have the income I had.  For years my ex-wife and I struggled to make ends meet financially.  Now, I am reeling.  I make less than half of what I did.  I work less than half of what I did before.  I am also less productive.  I am surviving.  Nobody told me this would happen.

This "learning experience" is teaching me a lot.  I think it is also a difficult process to go through.  If I can learn nothing else from this, I am learning just how weak society is in supporting our individuals.  Professional organizations are out there, but they aren't willing or incapable of helping us on an individual basis when we reach a certain point.  In the same way my coworkers, teacher organizations, parents and administrators failed me, society fails our students every day.  How frustrated children must be to graduate and face a world so full of expectations far beyond their abilities.

How frightening it must be for young couples to struggle financially through joblessness, medical trauma, homelessness, and relationship difficulties.  My counselor does the best she can, but she can't do everything.    She is one person who has limited resources.  My support group helps in the ways they can, but again, their resources are limited, and the needs in that group vary so much.  Community resources are limited too.  It is my hope that through Professional Education Resources I can help overcome all of this.